Bad Lizzie Bad!
by Alexei Noire
Summary: Just a stupid fic where Lizzy's nice life is all effed up. Rated R for Ridiculous fic. Flamerz welcome!
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters in it (thank God!)  
  
A/N: Okay I don't actually like Lizzy McGuire, so I'm kinda writing this fic cuz she's so preppy and I wish for her to deviate from that path...Quidditch Toned ass - Yum! Alexei Noire xXx :D  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 1: Matt's girlfriend~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
{At the dinner table in the McGuire household}  
  
Mum: So Lizzy, Matt - anything new at school today?  
  
Lizzy: *chewing on a piece of broccoli* Well Miranda said she has a new boyfriend, and I'm sure it's not anyone I know, so he's either older than her or younger.  
  
Dad: *raising eyebrows* You mean she might be going out with a high school guy?  
  
Lizzy: It's possible.  
  
Mum: *pours custard over Matt's burger* Well, Lizzy your father and I never want to see you with an older guy okay? I mean, guys that age are only interested in one thing - sex!  
  
Matt: *rolls eyes* Duh  
  
Dad: *slaps Matt on the head* Don't speak with your mouth full, asshole!  
  
Matt: Whatever, faggot. Anyway people - I have an announcement to make!  
  
Lizzy: Oh fuck, what is it now?  
  
Mum: *gasps* Lizzy! Don't swear with your mouth full!  
  
Matt: *clears throat and stands up on his chair* I have a girlfriend!  
  
[Cold wind blows through dining room, followed by a tumbleweed rolling across the carpet]  
  
Dad: What did you say?  
  
Matt: *gets down from chair* I have a girlfriend, and she's no other than Miranda!  
  
Mum: Miranda who?  
  
Matt: *shrugs* I dunno her last name, I just know she's Lizzy friend.  
  
Lizzy: *jaw drops* Holy SHIT! You can't be serious!  
  
Matt: *smiling and ramming broccoli up his nose* I bloody well am, bimbo!  
  
Mum: Now, now, Elizabeth, calm down - no need to get all worked up just because your little brother found someone before you did.  
  
Lizzy: *standing up* Mum, this is SO not fair! I mean, I tried to jack Ethan Craft off in class but all he did was tell everyone we fucked! Boys are so pathetic!  
  
Dad: *rests head on hands* So I guess this means you're gonna be a lesbian now? Your mother and I have been waiting for this day since the day you were born.  
  
Lizzy: You...WHAT?  
  
Mum: You heard us - we think you'd be better off with a woman. Matt can carry our family on, Miranda can carry his babies.  
  
Lizzy: You two are SO fucking deranged! I'm gonna kill you both some day - all I needs is a Colt Python! Or at least a Rocket Launcher...  
  
Dad: *casually* Well can you make sure you aim for my stomach, 'cause I want al my guts to spill out. It was my dream to hari-kari some day but *sighs* it never worked out.  
  
Matt: Couldn't get it up?  
  
Dad: *puts hands round Matt's neck* Why you little!  
  
Mum: *clapping* You strangle him good Poppa!  
  
Lizzy: *moans* I fucking hate this family!  
  
[Exeunt]  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~#  
  
I know I'm too stupid for even bothering to post this up, but I hate stories like this or Arthur the Aardvark where people live such happy, utopian lives - so I fuck them up good!  
  
Alexei Noire xXx  
  
Plz Review, oooh and don't forget those flames! 


	2. Ethan Craft

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters in it (thank God!)  
  
Alexei Noire xXx :D  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 2: Ethan Craft~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
{At Lizzy's school, in the cafeteria}  
  
Lizzy: So, Ethan - you wanna go out with me some time?  
  
Ethan: *stunned* I never asked you to sit with me!  
  
Lizzy: *grabs hold of Ethan's balls from under the table, and squeezes them hard* Yes you did...  
  
Ethan: *wincing and whimpering from the pain* Ow bitch - that hurts!  
  
Lizzy: I'll let go if you ask me out and then fuck the brains outta me.  
  
Ethan: *breathlessly* I...can't...unless you let go of my balls...  
  
Lizzy: *Lets go of Ethan's testicles* Come on, ass, I ain't got all day.  
  
Ethan: *massaging crotch* Um... there's something I have to tell you Lizzy  
  
Lizzy: Oh God, what the fuck is it? You're not going out with Miranda are you?  
  
Ethan: *sighing* No, your little brother goes out with her - I...I'm gay.  
  
[That cold wind and tumbleweed strike again!]  
  
Lizzy: *standing up* WHAT?  
  
Ethan: Well, you see I've not really been feeling anything from women - plus I think the uncircumcised clitoris looks appalling, but there's more...  
  
Lizzy: *taps foot* Tell me then, faggot!  
  
Ethan: I-I'm going out with your friend - Gordo.  
  
Lizzy: *eyes widen* You little fucker! *grabs her fork and stabs it into Ethan's crotch*  
  
[Ethan howls in pain, but Lizzy continues to stab his crotch until his balls are nothing more than a torn and ripped, bleeding wound]  
  
Lizzy: Take that!  
  
[Gordo runs over from the lunch queue]  
  
Gordo: *sees his dead boyfriend* What have you done, you slag?  
  
Lizzy: You knew I fancied Ethan! You fucking asshole! Since when have you been gay anyway?  
  
Gordo: You've ruined his balls! I can't fuck a guy with no balls! I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be like this!  
  
Lizzy: *punches Gordo in the face* I hate you! What kind of a friend are you?  
  
[Miranda appears from behind, holding Matt's hand]  
  
Miranda: Oh so you finally killed them - let's party!  
  
Matt: Yay! Can we have Vanilla Coke? My Mum says I'm not allowed it!  
  
Lizzy: What are you even doing here, Matt?  
  
Miranda: He slept with the School Governors and now he goes here! He doesn't have to do any work though - he just sits at the back of class and looks through pornography.  
  
Lizzy: *sighing* I do that anyway.  
  
Matt: *laughs* You wanna come join the party, Liz?  
  
Lizzy: *smiling menacingly* Hell yeh!  
  
[Exeunt]  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~#  
  
Hehehehe, please review this cuz it's just SUCH a stupid fic. Thanx  
  
Alexei Noire xXx =P 


	3. Shopping

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters in it (thank God!)  
  
Oh and thank you ever so much to the people who reviewed the first two chapters, but I must admit - I didn't think humans were going to read it!  
  
Shinethelight: Hehehe nice to know your neighbours make you laugh. o_O  
  
Devil: Thank you, but I must admit this fic is so pointless I dunno why I'm posting it!  
  
Red Carpet: I know, my sister told me I spelt it wrong later on. And yep you're right I should be a fan to post this - and I am! I was lying!!!  
  
And to the random person with many symbols as a name: Hmm I don't think my life is messed up - but I do watch a lot of Trisha, so naturally all the madness comes from there!  
  
Ethan and Gordo have come back to life in this chapter. LOL  
  
Alexei Noire xXx :D  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 3: Shopping~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
{In the shopping mall with Gordo, Miranda, Ethan Craft and Matt...oh and Lizzy}  
  
Ethan: *holding Gordo's hand* Oh come on, sweety let's go to the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar WEOW!  
  
Gordo: *kisses Ethan* No, honey we're in a mall...with girls. They don't want to go to such classy places.  
  
Lizzy: You two make me fucking sick!  
  
Miranda: Well I think it's sweet. *kisses Matt on the hips*  
  
Matt: Why the hell did you just kiss my hips?  
  
Miranda: Oh sorry, hun, I was aiming for your lips and I bent down too low and bippety-boppity-boop! I kissed your hips!  
  
Lizzy: Why is everyone in a couple except me?  
  
Ethan: Cuz you're such a tight-assed bitch who hates popular people.  
  
Gordo: Oh come on, babe, don't be so hard on her - she IS blonde after all.  
  
[Ethan and Gordo kiss]  
  
Lizzy: What's THAT got to with anything? You're just GAY! What do you know?  
  
Matt: Gay people *blows raspberry* What the hell are they on?  
  
Gordo: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Matt: Well why would you wanna fuck anyone who doesn't have a pussy?  
  
Ethan: Hey little boy, ever heard of anal sex?  
  
Matt: *thinks about it* haha! You fucking fags!  
  
Lizzy: Hey guys! We're talking about ME here, not tiny Matty who's going out with slutty Miranda!  
  
Ethan: *laughs* Well you know, Kate's single - you could go out with her.  
  
Gordo: Yeah! And seeing as Pooh Bear here is such good friends with Kate, we could set you two up on a date!  
  
Lizzy: Wait a minute! Aren't we forgetting that I'm not lesbian, and neither is Kate for that matter - and who the fuck is Pooh Bear?  
  
Ethan: *giggles* It's Gordy's pet name for me - I call HIM Schnoogums!  
  
Miranda: You two are SO fucking gay.  
  
Matt: Duh, bitch where ya been? You burn my dinner again, I won't fuck ya brains out.  
  
Miranda: *apologetically* Oh I'm SO sorry honey cakes!  
  
Lizzy: I don't even fancy Kate - get me Mark Hoppus and maybe I'd go out with him.  
  
Gordo: Is he even still single?  
  
Ethan: Yeah, I think he is - I'll give him a call.  
  
Matt: Where are YOU going to get Mark from Blink 182's mobile number?  
  
Miranda: We call them cell phones in the US, Matty.  
  
Matt: I know, but the author's English so HE doesn't know that does he?  
  
Ethan: I'm his nineteenth cousin, twenty-six times removed. I see him every Family Reunion.  
  
Lizzy: *squeals* Ooh YAY! Ethan I'll love you forever if you do this for me! And I'll give you and Gordo my blessing!  
  
Ethan: *hugs Lizzy* Thanks, Liz, you don't know what this means to me and Schnoogums.  
  
Gordo: *also hugs Lizzy* I love you, Liz.  
  
Matt: *hugs red haired lady who just passes by* I love you Rose! Come with me to New York, and leave Cal!  
  
Woman: Fucking hell! YOU'RE Jack Dawson? I thought I killed you! *whacks her handbag over Matt's head* DIE! DIE! DIE!  
  
Miranda: *punches woman in the face* Oh shit... she was a police officer - LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!  
  
[Lizzy, Miranda, Matt, Ethan and Gordo run for their lives out of the Shopping Mall and into the local brothel for sanctuary.]  
  
[Exeunt]  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ #  
  
HAHA! It just gets stupider and stupider! This story has no point whatsoever!  
  
Tell me if you want another chapter...  
  
Alexei Noire xXx :D 


	4. Date with Mark

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters in it (thank God!)  
  
Thanks to the following Reviewers for their Reviews:  
  
Gordo'sGirl PapyrusAndInk: Hehe thanks for the advice, but I do know it's the most stupid thing on the Lizzie McGuire fanfiction section - but meh, at least I can be glad that I did it! Thanks for bringing it to my attention though - I feel so special now!  
  
BlackLadyofDoom: Hehehe I think you preferred my Sirius story eh? Heh I wish I could write a Yu-Gi-Oh one - but I don't have a clue what it is! Bakura-chan!  
  
Tvchick91: LOL! Someone who actually likes this ludicrous fic! Mwahaha! Thank you fairy much - but I must warn you it's incredibly stupid!  
  
Lyn: ...Oh hello again!  
  
Alexei Noire xXx :D  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 4: Date with Mark~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
{At McDonalds, Lizzie and Mark Hoppus from Blink 182}  
  
Mark: So...uh you're one of Ethan's friends?  
  
Lizzie: Well actually I've fancied him for ages - but seeing as he's a fudge packer, you'll have to do.  
  
Mark: Are you fucking serious? There are girls who would KILL to go out with me! I am Mark from Blink 182!  
  
Lizzie: Hmm okay if you say so.  
  
Mark: *standing up* Look, if you didn't want to go out with me then why ask for a date? And I paid for that Happy Meal you're eating you know!  
  
Lizzie: So fucking rude, like. *gets up and begins to walk out but then stops and turns*  
  
Mark: *angrily* Now what?  
  
[Lizzie walks back to him and pulls him down into a raunchy kiss]  
  
Lizzie: *pulls apart from kiss* So...whaddya think?  
  
Mark: *rubbing chest* Hmm that was an okay kiss, but I don't think I'm gonna go out with an eight-year-old, especially when I can sleep with the hottest women at the click of my fingers.  
  
Lizzie: *horrified* I'm thirteen!  
  
Mark: *laughing* Whatever Barbie, now I gotta split - Ms Dynamite wanted to talk to me for some reason. See ya!  
  
[Mark leaves McDonalds]  
  
Lizzie: Oh God, what the hell is wrong with me? Gordo isn't even gay - I kissed him in Rome... Ethan can't go out with him - he's the hottest guy in school. And oh God - Miranda and Matt! What the hell is going on THERE? And since when have I started swearing?  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
{At Godric's Hollow}  
  
Lizzie: Wait a minute, Alexei - I'm not in Harry Potter! I shouldn't be here!  
  
Lily: Who's Alexei?  
  
James: Shut up and eat your gruel, Martha.  
  
Lizzie: What the f...?  
  
Lily: *laughs hysterically and pulls off mask to reveal Miranda*  
  
James: *giggles and mask reveals Matt*  
  
Alexei: Hey don't ask ME why this happened! I'm just the author!  
  
Matt: You shouldn't talk to us, Lexxy.  
  
Alexei: It's Alexei, and I'm leaving now *runs out of room, slams door and tyres screech*  
  
Miranda: Well that was unexpected.  
  
[Ethan and Gordo walk in, hand in hand.]  
  
Gordo: So how'd your date with Marky go?  
  
Ethan: Was he as cute as I imagined?  
  
Lizzie: That's sick - he's you cousin!  
  
Ethan: *shrugs shoulders* Meh.  
  
Lizzie: He left, we kissed, but he left - said I was too young and not sexy.  
  
Gordo: Maybe he prefers guys.  
  
Matt: Why would ANYONE prefer guys?  
  
Miranda: What are you talking about sweaty?  
  
Matt: *smiling* I just don't get girls - us guys are rude, obnoxious and ummm well just plain wrong!  
  
Gordo: Well, Jamie, opposites attract, eh?  
  
Lizzie: I hate you people, I'm gonna go for a smoke.  
  
[Exeunt]  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#  
  
That was SUCH a stupid chapter!! I think it's about the stupidest thing I've ever written apart from 'Ginny in the Wonderland of Oz'. Now don't forget those flames - it gets mighty cold here in the North of England!! *smiles*  
  
Alexei Noire xXx =P 


	5. The Dream

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters in it (thank God!)  
  
Hehe and so the plot thickens! LMAO I'm actually getting positive reviews for this work of crap, which I certainly did NOT expect. *jaw drops* But anyways thanks to the following:  
  
KT the Shimmer Skank: Thanks for your comment, yep ppl are passionate about it for some reason, LOL.  
  
gLaSsBuBbLes87: Haha nice to know you like this fic, I hate Hillary Duff too - I'm gonna make sure she won't be allowed to sing in the UK, and away from me! My sister totally loves her, so this is a kind of way of getting back at her too.  
  
Red Carpet: With all due respect, KT did not call you a retard directly. Also I don't think it's your place to call me a retard - but seriously I don't care. And I understand that some ppl actually do like the show Lizzie McGuire (hell knows WHY but they do).  
  
Fiona: I agree!  
  
Pyrodragon428: Believe me, I've written weirder fics.  
  
Broadwaypoetess: Thanks for your reviews *smiles* Thank you for the cookies! *munches ravenously*  
  
CHEATLETHEFLAG: Thanks...I think.  
  
Alexei Noire xXx :D  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 5: The Dream~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
{At the school Library}  
  
Matt: Cuddle me good, Momma.  
  
Ethan: I wish you wouldn't degrade women like that, Matthew.  
  
Gordo: Gasp! You said his full name!  
  
Lizzie: I can't believe you actually SAID 'gasp'!  
  
Miranda: *cuddles Matt* I don't mind - I'm a good housewife!  
  
Lizzie: *sighs* People think I'm a lesbian.  
  
Matt: I don't.  
  
Lizzie: *smiling* Thanks Matty.  
  
Matt: I think you're a gay man!  
  
Lizzie: Why you little.! *leans forward and strangles Matt*  
  
Ethan: *suddenly camp* Stop it! Stop it now!  
  
[Lizzie stops strangling and everyone stares at Ethan]  
  
Miranda: Omigod - you're CAMP!  
  
Ethan: No I'm not *pulls off mask* I'm the Queen!  
  
Gordo: This can't be right - you were so good in bed!  
  
Queen: That's because I'm not really the Queen! *pulls off mask* I'm Professor Snape!  
  
Lizzie: There's got to be more masks. *pulls out gun and aims it at Professor Snape*  
  
Snape: AARGH! No!! Okay - I'll pull off the main mask! *pulls off main mask to reveal ...  
  
.................................... ............  
  
Dad: Hey Lizzie *shakes her* you okay?  
  
Mum: Should I call an ambulance?  
  
Lizzie: *wakes up* What's going on, Mum, Dad?  
  
Matt: *at door* Sounded like you had a bad dream - you kept yelling out stuff in Pig Latin.  
  
Lizzie: *smiling and getting up* Whoa.. So that was all a dream!?  
  
Dad: What are you on about, Lizzie?  
  
Lizzie: Fuck me.  
  
Mum: WHAT?  
  
Lizzie: Sorry I'm a bit dizzy still...*fakes dizziness* It was all a dream!  
  
Dad: Well it's now over, okay?  
  
Mum: Now, we got in touch with a very nice looking young whore called Alyssa...  
  
Lizzie: Whoa Whoa Whao! What the hell are you talking about?  
  
Dad: Well we need to find you a lesbian life partner, seeing as Matt has Miranda.  
  
Lizzie: *panicking* Miranda WHO?  
  
Matt: I dunno her last name - all I know is that she's your friend.  
  
Mum: *looks at watch* And you'd better get dressed soon - Ethan and Gordo are coming over to take us to the Gay Pride March with them.  
  
Lizzie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
[Exeunt]  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~#  
  
HEHEHEHEHE!!!  
  
Stupid I know! But this is by no means the last chapter!!! There's one more for all you kerazy kids out there who want it!.........*silence*  
  
Fine then! There won't be a last chapter unless you review!  
  
Alexei Noire xXx =P 


	6. A Girl called Kill

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters in it (thank God!)  
  
Thanks for all da peeps who reviewed  
  
psychial: YAY! At last someone describes this work as 'stupid'! I was waiting for that thanks!  
  
Juicydrop-pop: Well, I tend to make everything about Harry Potter...  
  
Cosmogal14: Yes I am English - I know this is an American programme but I can't be arsed to change too many things...meh. I even made a British Will and Grace fic - check it out!  
  
Broadwaypoetess: thanks for the Oreos! (whatever they are...o_O) Snape is bushy?? Oh and I AM British, and I do say bloody and bugger all the time! ^_^  
  
Gordo'sGirl PapyrusAndInk: ....Rrrright....  
  
Okay this is the last chapter ever cuz this meaningless story needs to end!!!  
  
Alexei Noire xXx =P  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 6: A Girl Called Kill~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
{At Lizzie's house on a Saturday afternoon}  
  
Mum: Lizzie, get up off your fat arse and get a girlfriend!  
  
Lizzie: *angrily* Shut up bitch - I don't think it's any of your business who I want to shag!  
  
[Dad walks in with Matt]  
  
Dad: Lizzie, Matt's found something in you're room that is of some interest to your mother and me.  
  
Lizzie: *with wide eyes* You looked through my stuff??  
  
Matt: Lizzie, you've been a ba-a-ad girl!  
  
Dad: Care to explain this? *holds up magazine with pornographic pictures of rockstars*  
  
Lizzie: WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT?  
  
Matt: Under your mattress - how lesbian is THAT?  
  
Dad: Well?  
  
Lizzie: *snatching magazine off him* I...like to read the articles...  
  
Mum: *laughs* Yeah, and Gordo's relationship with Ethan is non-physical (!)  
  
Matt: Ew, mental image...  
  
Dad: *sits down opposite Lizzie* Honey, if you prefer men - that's fine with us, but you know we're gonna have a time getting used to this.  
  
Lizzie: Oh do shut up! *reaches under sofa and pulls out a Revolver*  
  
Mum: *tentatively* What are you gonna do with that Lizzie?  
  
Lizzie: *cocks gun and points it at her Mum* Take a wild guess, missy *shoots*  
  
Dad: LIZZIE! *gets shot*  
  
Matt: Well done, Liz - now lemme have a g-*dies*  
  
Lizzie: Mmmmhmmmhmmm HAHAHHAHAAAAA!  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
{At a SlipKnoT concert}  
  
SlipKnoT: # I've known faces that have disappeared in time, find me wrapped in glass and slowly soaked in lime...#  
  
Lizzie: FUCK YOU! FUCK IT ALL! FUCK EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR!  
  
[Bassist of SlipKnot, Sid in the Clown mask notices Lizzie]  
  
Lizzie: SLIPKNOT YOU RULE!!!  
  
Corey: Okay we're gonna take a break now - but we want a fan to come up to the stage to mosh with us!  
  
[Lizzie screams loudly and vehemently]  
  
A few minutes break later.................  
  
Corey: Right everyone - whoever catches my good man Sid's eyes here will come and mosh to da Max with us!  
  
[Sid casts his eyes around the crowd and sees Lizzie jumping up with her stupid American happy blonde face and boy-loving cheeks]  
  
Sid: HER! *points at Lizzie*  
  
Lizzie: Oh MY GOSH! AAAAARGH!!! *runs up to the stage and moshes*  
  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
{Backstage}  
  
Sid: Hey that was some pretty good moshing for a girl who looks so preppy and lesbian you know.  
  
Lizzie: *angrily* What did you say?  
  
Sid: Just kidding!  
  
Lizzie: Good, I kinda fancy you ya know. *flutters Maybelline eyelashes*  
  
[Lizzie pulls Sid in for a kiss]  
  
Sid: Let's hit the road bitch!  
  
Lizzie: Hell yeh! But... can you hear that?  
  
[Scraping sound]  
  
Sid: I think it's coming from over here *walks over to janitor's closet and opens it*  
  
Lizzie: BLOODY HELL!  
  
[Mark and Tom from Blink 182 are inside, butt naked and Mark is spanking Tom on his bare pink ass]  
  
Mark: Like how rude!  
  
Tom: Yeah, I mean can you not see we're a little busy here?  
  
Lizzie: Mark - you're GAY!  
  
Mark: Nope, we do this all the time - it's fun.  
  
Sid: Aren't you supposed to be married, Tom?  
  
Tom: Meh *shrugs shoulders*  
  
Mark: Now leave us! *closes door and proceeds spanking Tom*  
  
Lizzie: Well that was unexpected.  
  
Sid: Yep, and d'you know what else is unexpected? Me and you going to Las Vegas to get married!  
  
Lizzie: Let's do it babe!  
  
[Sid lifts Lizzie up and carries her over to his Hippy Van and they drive away]  
  
Sid: *driving* There's something I've been meaning to ask you - I heard that you were gonna release a single.  
  
Lizzie: *laughs* Yeah, it's called 'So Yesterday' - you heard it?  
  
Sid: Fuck no! It's gonna be incredibly shit, like all other pop music...except Madonna.  
  
Lizzie: What are you saying - I can't sing?  
  
Sid: Yeah  
  
Lizzie: Well neither can you!  
  
Sid: I love you.  
  
Lizzie: *smiling* I love you too!  
  
Sid: *laughs* We all set then?  
  
Lizzie: *biting lip* Umm no - before we tie the knot I want you to take your mask off and show me your real face.  
  
Sid: *shrugs* Fair does, but you have to take off your mask too.  
  
Lizzie: *tensely* What mask??  
  
Sid: Don't lie to me! *pulls off her mask to reveal Hillary Duff*  
  
Hillary: Erp..  
  
Sid: AAAAAAAARGH!!! It's hideous!!!   
  
Hillary: Shut up, let's see your face now. *pulls off Sid's mask to reveal ...*  
  
Sid: Come on then, honeybunch let's go to Vegas!  
  
Hillary: *breathless* Uh...okay...  
  
[And they drive off into the sunset, with their hippy van and the most unlikely pairing since Alexei Noire and Julia Roberts.]  
  
[THE BITTER END]  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#  
  
Well, Well, Well people there thou hast it - the last chapter! Read and Review your thoughts upon it. And don't forget those flames!  
  
I'm such a bad boy for ever writing this and making all the loser Lizzie fans feel sorry and cry into their Sailor Moon bedsheets but ah well.  
  
Alexei Noireã xXx =D 


End file.
